Ramblings of the Wingnut

So you may have been wondering what has happened to me. One word – terrorists. No that’s what Americans blame everything on – the weather, the economy, the long queues at McDonalds, the soggy fries after waiting for 23 seconds at McDonalds. No, no the real word is MBA.

Second year is supposed to be much easier, and in all honesty it is. Its just that dumbass here has taken on a lot of extra stuff to keep him occupied – cos I needed more stuff to do. So what did I do? Stuff..and lots of it. For starters what seemed like a genius idea of picking subjects where there are no exams, has come back to bite me in the ass, just like that scraggy, stray dog you kicked on the way home from school. And now I have more work than I need. That’s cos its more TEAM work – strangely enough even there is no “I” in team, “I” seem to be very busy. Maybe I just used that saying wrong. So meetings every week. To give you a sampling, theres been 2 interviews, one project/business pitch, 2 deal books (actually 3 – but mine makes no sense) and a role play with a schizophrenic professor that takes on the role of several people in a company. And to think there are people out there that are put into asylum for that.

Beside that being chief of the Babson village has me running around like the village idiot – like that do you? Managing, supervising and, dare I say it, babysitting. Yes. Oh well, I guess its one of those things you learn – learning point – don’t be a chief unless you get concubines or a horse or bodyguards or at least a sword…a sword…like pirate sword…ooooh…. Ugh, but I digress. I was also honored to be selected as part of Ashoka’s (www.ashoka.org) new partnership with universities to give social entrepreneurship more visibility and not social like going out to clubs and bars – that would be socializing entrepreneurship. I’m talking about entrepreneurship where output is measured in terms of benefit to humanity as opposed to green notes with presidents faces on them (in SA we have pictures of animals, lion, water buffalo, cheetah, baboon – no that’s Julius Malema. I guess its cos animals last longer than presidents in Africa).

So one last week before the MBA restarts. Its going to be a fun semester (that’s the first half of the year) and I’m taking negotiation (never know when you’ll need to barter for land when you own the world), leading and managing change (when I am intergalactic dark lord), entrepreneurship (you need to be entrepreneurially minded to find ways to overthrow world powers), mergers and acquisitions (partnering with other dictators, like Kim Jong II), management consulting (while I’m getting to be world dictator I may need to advise other dictators to build my network) and finally Buying a small “business” (aka. Country – like Iceland, I believe you buy it for like $500).

Also met up with the incoming class, i.e. class of 2011 and some of the one year students for class of 2010. Smart kids all around…so naive so easily manipulated – muhahaha. Also my role as president is goning to be fun this year, already I feel like we have some good policies in place like the “bring the king coffee Monday”, one child policy (unless they’re specific to be minions) and the rather controversial “bring it or shut it” amendment to the vision and mission.

Fun times lie ahead – I hope you’ll check in often to see what the dealio is.

So its taken some time for me to update my blog. Why/ I had some stuff to do – lots of stuff to do. Basically, move back from sunny Palo Alto to moggy, humid, hot Boston. Don’t get me wrong; there is nothing wrong with Boston, quite the contrary, Boston is an amazing place to be,. Let me put it this way, if you were to date Sandra Bullock; you’d be pretty damn happy – unless you dated Jessica Alba first.

So let me see if I can try to quickly recap my last couple of weeks. I’ll type quickly so you have something to read when you start reading (go figure). In any event, I flew back on a Friday night a few weeks back – nothing spectacular on the flight thankfully (rather unusual yes, I know) all ready for the 8 hour course I had to do the next day. Yes, I know – shut it. Anyway, as you may have know I decided to shave my head. Now, having a fauxhawk (that’s actually the name of the hairstyle I had, I actually thought it was the “I don’t give a crap about what I look like” haircut) and cutting it down realy short is not the best idea when your room mates need to fetch you at the airport since the never noticed me – actually, hey! They did notice me, but decided not to see me! Sonofa…

So I got back at about 10:30/11 pm and spent another couple of hours speaking to my room mates. Finally at about 2, I decided to go to sleep. Now for those that don’t know (and I mean you in SA, in particular), SF Is 3 hours behind Boston; hence Jetlag. Eventually after tossing and turning for an hour and a half and an incessant feeling of being irritated/itchy. I decided to turn the lights on. Now usually, that’s not a big deal, I mean that’s the plan right – get comfortable before you go to sleep. Then imagine my surprise when I turned on the lights. Bugs. Red bug. Red blood sucking, bugs. And lots of them, with friends.  Apparently the itching was these little Bed Bug Bastards (BBB) gnawing my shins off. Fun. Strike 1.

Strike 2 was having to sleep downstairs on the couch (where I have been for the last 2 weeks) while waiting for the beg killers to kill the BBB. Especially with the temperature being like 85/90 degrees (like 28 centigrade) in the evening and not being able to open the friggin windows completely – apparently the housing complex is concerned someone may throw themselves out the front window and scrape their knee while they roll onto the pavement (I actually removed this constraint today – let the rolling begin!)

Before I left SF, I got a tablet PC. What an awesome investment. And cheap! It’s an HP (no worries buddy!), but an older model (2005), but still good enough. My rationale was simple (like I am – simple) and it was really a tool where I could take down notes for class and increase my productivity. I know you’re saying  “just get a notepad!”, but that’s not kool… and I can’t read Ebooks on it, which I seem to have a bunch of.  Sound pretty good? It is, except I managed to crash the drive. Yes, apparently you’re not supposed to touch a PC that is going into hibernation mode or it spazes out on you and dies.  The worst part is that I am still doing an internship and lost some work on it. Sigh. No I look more incompetent than I really am – not to say that I wasn’ to start with. Strike 3. And out (just like the Redsox- the Baseball team in Boston, except I may win)

So another weekend, another exciting time. What did the Wingnut get up to, I hear you say in anticipation?

Well… Strap in your seatbelt, here we go –

My weekend started early (Thursday) , but don’t tell my boss, I told them I was working “remotely” like from afar. Not like by control. That sounded funnier in my head. I headed up to near Lake Tahoe with a mate of mine again and went to a very kool lodge. Only 12 family members (not like 12 people, like 12 families). Great place – huge land and lots to….um…walk…and we walked…well the next day we did (Friday). And got burned. Fun. Stupid ball of orange stuff in the sky. We did a 3 mile hike or so and went to a couple of diving pools.

Now for those of you that don’t know. I have a fear of heights. Like Danny Di Vito. Same kinda fear. And we were diving off rocks that got progressively higher. First maybe 3 metres, then right up to 15. Ugh. Stupid brain; trying to convince me that height is bad. Anyways, I am proud to say I jumped from the 15 metres….twice…and only wept….once…manly, I know.

Saturday was chilled. Just drove to Tahoe. Another kool place. Big property with a train. Yes. I train. One you can sit in, well barely. It was awesome… I suddenly understand why some people like trains. But I don’t like them that much – I prefer fire. Cant wait till I have employees….muhaha…And a ride on the lake, and swimming in the lake. A cold lake. Colder than Tahoe (oh, did I mention Lake Tahoe was cold? It is. Cold like Patricia De Lille. Or rather (for Americans) Hillary Clinton), yes. Cold. Did I day it was cold?

Sunday. We had it in our head to see if we could apparently kill ourselves. 7 mile (that’s about 13 km’s) hike UPHILL on a MOUNTAIN. In 2hours 45. Don’t judge me. It wasn’t that easy. And it was worse with the damn mosquito’s playing tag with my head. At least the part when my mate tried to kill me made me forget about the mosquito’s – when we scaled down a 90 degree side of the mountain. OK, not 90 – 83 degrees , or at least that’s what my brain told me (remember: heights are bad in my hamster driven brain). I think he thought it was funny. Me weeping and sliding on my ass like a dog with an itchy crack. But I made it. Alive and emotionally scarred, the best combination. Then a 6 hour drive back to Palo Alto.

Monday (I was “working” remotely” J ) but in San Francisco. I met up with Zorba the greek. No, his name isn’t Zorba, but he is greek. Anyways, a buddy from SA flew to the US and was in San Francisco, so I met up with him and his wife – Mrs Zorba, rather Zorbarette. We walked. Again. Ugh. Stupid legs are not as young as they used to be – especially the knees. Anyways, we walked toward the Golden Gate, but good thing we never made it the whole way – we’d still be walking! Instead we found our way to a museum shaped in Roman architecture style. You know – pizza. No, no. Roman columns, Domes, that kinda stuff. Pretty kool.

After that we just kinda ambled round the city – China town, financial district, and the highest point in the city. Now if you have never been to San Francisco, walking the city entails climbing hills. Steep ones. Ugh. So again. Legs take a beating. Craig weeps. But it was worth it – seeing the city, particularly the Golden gate Bridge and Alcatraz. Feels like home…

For dinner, we moseyed over to Pier 39 for Italian food then on the way home found an awesome street artist. He was painting with Lacquer, not liquor. That’s not art, that’s a lifestyle some of you may say. Anyway, using spray cans. Very very talented, better then the crappy 2 squares on a wall depicting the artists pains or some rubbish like that. These guys are really talented. Using only spray paint, cardboard and offcuts they made unbelievable pictures of the San Fran skyline. Amazing.

By that stage I had missed the bus/train/bicycle ride home – yes, in that order. An so stayed over in SF. Sleeping on the floor is supposed to be good for you. Like Broccoli good. Anyway, straight from the city to work this morning and I have been here all day typing this so you know what I did this weekend – at 7:28pm, now that’s dedication.

This past weekend was a really kool experience. A friend from Washington flew up here to San Francisco and together with my other mate we all did a trip to Napa valley. Napa is the Yanky doodle equivalent of Stellenbosch, except in, well the U.S. Now I know what you’re thinking - “You don’t drink: in fact the last time I saw you drink you turned redder than Hugh Grant with his pants down, and twice as sheepish”. Yes. True. But it was the experience. I figure (and this is only as I’ve gotten older) memories cannot have a price attached, nor should they be missed if it puts you out of your comfort zone. Pretty deep huh? Yes, it’s true. Wine apparently makes me more intelligent. It is interesting to see how much alcohol I would need to drink to get a double digit IQ.

Beautiful place, Napa. But very similar to Stellenbosch. Anyway, we hit the road at 8:30, got to Napa around about 10:30 and started the wine route (yes mom, we had a driver). 8 wine farms in day. Now I didn’t do the tasting per se, but did sample from my “paying friends”. Yes. I’m cheap. Or rather a cheap drunk. By lunchtime I was toasty. But that’s cos it was 100 degrees - I’m not kidding 100 degrees Fahrenheit, about 38 degrees centigrade (see learn all kinda science stuff that you too can use to impress your friends with). The best part about lunch was being the only table eating sandwiches in the sun. While everyone else was in the shade, I could see my skin starting to cook - and strangely enough, smell pork cooking.

After lunch, I finally did my full wine tasting - and good timing. 9 wines, as opposed to the usual 5…Anyway. I said I would, and did. But shouldn’t have. Things kinda get blurry after that. Something about dancing, no clothes, and a Llama. But on we soldiered to the last 3. I didn’t drink at the last one, and for my sins I had to speak to a bachelorette party. Again, I did. And maybe shouldn’t have. The next thing I know, we’re at dinner sending a glass of champagne over to the bride to be - pretty smooth I know. Apparently alcohol not only makes me smarter, but also more sophisticated, gentlemanly and interesting. How’s that for an endorsement for drinking!

The evening was pretty kool though. My friends and I (pretty lucky to have great mates like them) had a great time. We ended it by dropping my one friend back at the hotel at 10:30 - apparently drinking for 12 hours straight isn’t good for you and then the 2 of us remaining going out to the town (”coincidently”) at the same place the bachelorette party was at - honest (would I lie to you?! C’mon) Anyways after another hour or so (I was sober at this point), it was time to go home. Alcohol had finally won and sleep time beckoned. All in all a good night. Except for not…. (you fill in the end) …. till next time…

What a weekend: the best to date as of yet. Beside the fact that I finally succumbed to the power of gravity and went sprawling over BOB (Bike of Beelzebub). Before you judge me, I’ll have you know I was swerving to save a rare Mongolian, stripped,  3 foot,  golden-back Panda from getting knocked over by an open back cement carrier – I don’t know, I was just there and saved the Panda. I’m actually a hero – did you know there are less than 18 breeding pairs of the Mongolian, stripped,  3 foot,  golden-back Panda’s in the world? You may have read about me…

So hows this for a lineup? Friday: Lunch at Google, Sat-Sun: Boating on Lake Tahoe, Mon: Coldplay concert? Now, that’s the American dream. So here we go, with a fuller overview.

Google. Awesome. Larry and Sergei – legends (that’s the guys that started Google, you oaf). Why. One word – Food. Unbelievably, freshly prepared food! Chinese, Japanese, Indian, Steak, Burgers, Salad, Vegetables, Health food, Natural, Pizza, Desert, Frozen Yogurt, etc, etc. And then there was the gym and outdoor sand volleyball court so all the “large” people can be less “large” and  the dinosaur. I’m not kidding – and not Clint Eastwood, a real dinosaur. Made of metal, but there nonetheless. Larry and Sergei also give updates every Friday to all 13,000 employees on the latest developments at Google. If my plans to be supreme, almighty, intergalactic dark lord of the universe fail, I may apply for a job at Google.

Lake Tahoe: So is this gi-normous lake surrounded by mountains, and cosits at like 2,800 metres the run off from the ice ensures the water is clear, i.e. blue. Super blue. The color you get when you strangle a smurf. Anyway I stayed at a friends place and we went out on his family’s boat on Saturday. Strange thing though – first storm in Tahoe in July for like 5 years, maybe it’s me? But that was after we had cruised around for about 4 hours. Good thing we got back though, my mates brother and friend managed to capsize the dingy they were in that you use when you anchor the boat. Funny thing about those friends of my friend brother (that makes sense, just complicated) – they were like characters from a movie. The one when there’s a boys weekend and there’s that crazy one and just plain weird one – that was them.

Sunday, I lay in the sun for 1.5 hours and in an attempt to get rid of my farmers tan, I put sun lotion on the usually exposed parts of my anatomy and let the rest tan (except that part, it’s a public beach). As a result of which, those parts are no longer omo white (to American readers: that’s a washing brand in SA- their moto is: whiter than white), but rather a nice shade of pink, just the other side of “holy crap, that hurts, why did I not put on sunscreen” red. I expect I will now have reverse farmers tan when the pink goes to red to brown to dark brown.

Coldplay: Also amazing. Completely. Arguably the best concert I have ever attended, even topping the primary school play I was in, when I played the lead part of a mushroom. The concert itself was an hour, forty and the cinematography and set design was insane. They had yellow beach balloons people were throwing up when they played “yellow”, changing backdrop, a TV where they could see themselves and us watching themselves (again, makes sense if you were there), lazers (not evil, to my dismay) and just in general unbelievable. The music itself was great! Seriously talented musicians and a load of great hits! Especially when they played tribute to MJ by setting their hair on fire. No just kidding, playing Billie Jean. Awesome. They also had 2 platforms, near to the crowds that they went to and played, so they were basically, in the crowd – a complete crowd pleaser for the 22,000 that were there. And then the free CD with their new songs. Good times.

Well…that was my weekend. Back to work (actually I have been for 4 days – its Thursday tomorrow and I have a presentation – ugh), so next weekend , I’m going to Napa Valley. Kinda like Stellenbosch, but with less Afrikaans spoken. I think.

So what is 4^th of July without fireworks? The 5^th July (See below, you lazy ass). But no, not me. I decided to inflict more physical torture on myself on the bike of anguish and ride 3 miles (yes, I said miles) to see fireworks. And were they worth it. Without doubt the best fireworks I had ever seen. It was outside of Google watching them go over the night sky to the sound of star wars – I’m not kidding. There was a concert on and I happened to be there to get the end part and see the awesome fireworks. Totally worth it. Except the ride back. And the fact that I will probably only walk again in 2 days; and the sun burn from riding the bike at midday 2 days in a row. Sheesh.

No aliens. No overcast skies. No screams of terror, not even a whimper. Wait there was some, but that was directed at me (I’ll explain later). In any event, another 1^st for me the 4^th July. Or is that a 4^th? In any event the public holiday bought with it a day off on the Friday an opportunity for me to do something I had not done for ten years – no, not go on a date: that happens the same time that Haley’s comment comes; but to ride a bike. Yes. I still got it – falling. Sheesh, you’d think that with the extra weight that I’d be more stable, but no it just means you hit the ground with a thud, not a thump. The second time was a thump, the third was a flop and the fourth was a splooge. In any event, after riding a bike for 2 hours the 1^st day and another 1 hour today (after 2 hours of football – soccer, American’s): my ass is sore. Shut it. I know what you are going to say. But I feel the same way about bicycle seats that I’m sure woman feel about bra’s functional, but friggin painful. Except the bra doesn’t make you walk like Mike Tyson punched you in the ass. Seriously. I think I’ve bruised my coccyx – yes it’s a word. And not an STD.

Where did I get this bike? From the new place that I moved into. I think I spoke about it the last time we spoke (wrote, blogger, whatever). Yeah, I’m settled into the international house with my shed – complete with books indicating how to build a nuclear bomb (I’m not kidding: apparently you need to use U225, and there is no trace after the fallout). Gees I hope the CIA, FBI, EPA or KFC isn’t reading this… I am no doubt the dumbest person in the house. Now I know that this should be common place after all the years practice that I have, but usually there is a family dog that I am marginally smarter than and can lock outside by getting him to chase the ball, or the cleaner (except that damn Mr Ripley). So my um…are they neighbours if I stay outside?…there is a (and in no order of intelligence) brain surgeon doing his residency, neuroscientist working on hardware to simulate brain patterns, couple of micro biologists(or something) that test something to do something, a entrepreneur working on some stuff to reduce power consumption with PC’s, the landlord that used to word with WMD (Weapons of Mass Destruction: think Kenny G or Michael Bolton – that scale of destruction) and me. Sheesh. Talk about odd man out.

Uh yeah. So what did I do on my independence day? Something truly American, no not monster cars or losing my job: Chilli cookoff. Interesting. Definitely something new. For starters you queue for like 10-20 minutes per kiosk to get a little tub of chilli. I had 5 coupons for $5 and 5 little cups – like the ones you pee in for tests, but not the same ones. Anyways, the chilli was ok, honestly: nothing great. But it was good to be out and see like a million trillion people at the chilli kickoff. There was also a live band that was very kool. In all a good day – chilli, music and people. Not that I spoke to any of them. Mind you, I haven’t spoken to anyone for 2 days. I feel like a hermit. But the day was good. And finished off with a bike ride back home and more bruising on my tenders. Ugh.

OK…so enough of the pity party.

So back to the task at hand. Start of the 3^rd week at work and things are going well. Without divulging info and putting the free world at risk (such is the nature of my work), I am happy to report that I did not accidently detonate any war heads, release and mutated animal diseases or recreate any monkey loving, kid hugging, black/white pop stars (what, too early?). In fact, it seems by the eerie silence around the office that things are going well and there aren’t too many knives out for me – unless they’re all in my back.

So bad week, if you’re a celebrity and over 50. I’m guessing Paula Abdul and Vanilla Ice are running scared. Yeah, king of pop is dead. I won’t lie: I’m saddened by it too; but more importantly not knowing who will care for Bubbles, MJ’s pet monkey is more of a concern to me. That and never knowing if MJ was a black man/white woman/recyclable mannequin. In any event, my hat off to you MJ, for the joy you bought to the world..yeah..no jokes here about kids. Nothing.

On another note, good thing actually, is that I found a place to stay. Its quite nice – my own brown box, always wanted one of those. But its not your typical brown box. It’s one of those luxury ones, with air holes and stiff bottom (like Jessica Alba’s), or in my case, roof. NO…I got a real place. Its literally a shed. Well a shed with papers. Like a giant hamster cage. That I can roll to in work. But it’s mine. About 3×4 metres (that like 90 square feet, Americans). But its kool. Its only to sleep. And its at an “international house” – think the U.N. But with no license to impose sanctions against Iran (wait, I don’t they did). Thank you double dog and Mrs.H for letting me crash at your place and making me feel welcome at your place…and for not making me mow your law, wash your windows or pick up dog poo. Seriously though – thanks. Means a lot to me you opened your home and hearts to me (AAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW) …ok, p*ss off…I’m trying to be polite. ..

I also went to a ranch this weekend. Not the kind where you see strippers (Yes, American’s there is a chain in SA called that). It was kool – very nice actually. Reminded me a lot of home: The foliage is similar, deer (aka buck) and that brown, yellow grass look. In fact, it could have felt that I was in Magaliesburg or something similar. We went on a jeep ride and that was pretty kool. From one side of the ranch to the other. Nice day out, and I got some colour…not that I wasn’t “of colour” before…hehe…

Played soccer on Saturday and a game on Sunday, also trying to get back into the running. I needed to, if I didn’t, I’d end up being Jubba the Hut’s obese cousing – Flubber the Gut. Hopefully by the end of summer, I won’t be mistaken for a beached whale or the Oros man…

So todays post finds me in a rather pensive mood (deep in thought, it’s a scary I place I don’t go to often, cos I may never come back). I’m not sure why that is: I managed to find a great internship in Palo Alto, one of the most progressive and beautiful places in the US (start of Silicon Valley), I am doing an MBA at the best global entrepreneurial school, have made some amazing friends and living, what to many, would seem a dream. But perhaps therein lays the dilemma: Not all dreams seem that way while you living them.

Even though I have been away from South Africa for less than a year, I really wasn’t home for the years when I was in SA. I did that trip through South America for 2 months 2 months before I left to do my MBA and the preceding year I backpacked South East Asia for 6 weeks (I think..) It strange; in a way its almost as if I know where home is, but I don’t know where my home is; and I don’t think that will change in any short space of time either as I need to return for my MBA.

And the MBA. I still don’t know how I’m gona get the $$$ to fund for my next year. It’s a tough call – I should never have let that damn leprechaun go – and I’m stuck between a rock and George Bush’s head: I need the cash cos I don’t wana leave my MBA unfinished, it just costs so damn much. And living on budget as tight as a leotard on Queen Latiffa’s ass doesn’t make it any easier, especially not here in Palo Alto, where the cost of a meal is the same as a Zimbo state funeral.

Perhaps it’s a matter of age – I am getting on in years, contrary to my boyishly good looks (“haha, whatever: I hear you giggle), but the grey hairs don’t lie. Mind you, I’ve been getting them from the ripe old age of 14 and I’m guessing that by the time I finish my MBA, I’ll look like a silver back Gorilla, just the hair. Part of the age thing is that the body can’t handle as well as it used to – yeah the machine is getting old – dodgy knees, funny ankle and another pulled hamstring today after 20 minutes of footy.

Finally, it’s the whole “what have I done with my life” thing. Still in the ol’ canoe by my lonesome, still haven’t built up the CV (or resume to my US friends), well, not with any kind of long term consistency. Don’t have a house, or a car, or even a bicycle. Sigh. Duno what I have really done with my years.

I duno. Maybe its just an entrepreneur thing and I know I go through these cycles, but damnit, it sucks worse than a $5 special.

Anyways, if you’re reading this for the 1^st time, don’t make it your last – or a kitten will have to be drowned. Haven’t written a solemn post like this in a while, hoping the wingnut will be back next time – but for now I’ll be just plain old Craig. Sigh…